User manual GAMES PC REDNECK RAMPAGE

[. . . ] Inside THE GAME THAT'S INVADING HICKSTON ® The Adult Redneck Daily Tuesday, April 1, 1997 25 cents ARKANSAS FARMWIFE GIVES BIRTH TO ALIEN COW BABY! "He looks jes' like his real momma, " says the mother By E. Price For the Hickston Hog HICKSTON, ARKANSAS -- Fact or fiction?A rural sheriff's wife claims that her infant son is actually the result of alien experiments conducted upon herself and her family's livestock. "Them aliens `napped our best cow right before Ah dropped this-here young'un, " claims Bertha-Sue Hobbes of the small Southern town of Hickston. [. . . ] Ah, just as well, those little freaks probally would never get a lick o' work done, the way they always be hoppin' around like that. Nope, more likely they wouldn't be worth. . . Well, worth a shit I imagine. Skinny Old Coot - Most of the town folk are a bit scared of that skinny old coot. No one can say for sure how old he is, but he's been livin' round here since long before anyone else can remember. Folks say he's been touched by some bad mojo, and now he cain't be killed. A few people have even claimed that they've actually seen the old man die. Somehow though, he always manages to come back. To make things worse, the old fart hates tresspassers, and thinks he owns the whole county. Hell, he's so damn old that maybe that's not so impossible to believe. Billy Ray Jeter - Billy Ray has always been a bit of a loner, and doesn't care much for comp'ny (even though he does consider most folks to be his cousin, an' in his case, he's likely right). Like many folk round these parts, Billy Ray swims in the shallow end of the gene pool, if'n you catch my drift. Because of several generations of. . . errrr. . . selective breedin', he is one mammoth of a man. That boy's skull is so thick I swear you could crack a bowlin' ball on it. I heard a rumor about Billy Ray recently. Word has it he was out frog giggin' in the swamp late one night, and one of them alien space ships sucked his big ass up. They say they done cloned that boy, but was so disappointed with the results, they dumped the whole lot back into the swamp. Now I guess there's supposed to be hundreds of them Billy YER HOSTILE ENEMY TYPES Mosquito - You may have heard a yarn or two about the size of the insect life here in the deep South. Now, I suggest ya don't take these stories too lightly, 'cause I've seen some mosquitos in my time that could suck a full-grown steer bone dry. Hell, some farmers 'round these parts even claim that a 'skeeter can carry off a Javelina if it gets hungry enough. Ain't no bug repellent in the world gonna keep these bastards away, so ya best be keepin' a loaded shotgun handy if'n you're gonna go traipsin' through the backwoods. Chicken - Chickens really don't make good huntin', 'cause they just ain't much of a challenge. Now I reckon' ya might be able to get 'em riled up enough to provide some decent target practice, but as far as I'm concerned, theys generally just a pain in the ass, and is constantly gettin' in the way. [. . . ] Lotsa weird shit's been goin' on `round these-heah parts lately. Ah could tell ya all `bout it. . . come t'think of it, Ah haven't seen Lester fur near-on two days now. . . " When questioned about the disappearances, the Hobbes' nearest neighbors confirmed that `life `round these parts" has been stranger than usual. Livestock has been reported either missing or wandering around dazed with their heads completely shaved, and the town drunk has been spotted in several places at once by fairly reliable witnesses. It's even possible that there've been human disappearances as well, though this cannot yet be confirmed as Hickston residents live scattered far back into the hills and a reliable census has never been achieved. [. . . ]